The Premier League’s annual awards list for 2022-23 makes for quick reading.
Player of the Season: Erling Haaland
Premier League Young Player of the Season: Erling Haaland
Football Writers’ Association Footballer of the Year: Erling Haaland
And considering he smashed the record for the most goals in a single season, you can’t really argue with any of those.
But what about some of the unwanted records of the season? The anti-Haaland awards if you will.
Most Shots Without a Goal
Cheick Doucouré
Crystal Palace’s Cheick Doucouré has only scored six goals in his professional playing career.
And based off his efforts in front of goal this season, it’s surprising he’s scored that many.
Doucouré took more shots this season without scoring a goal than any other player, letting fly 36 times over the course of the campaign. Just seven of those hit the target.
We’re simply in awe of Doucouré’s shot map this season. The Malian just might be the most optimistic man in football.
No one tell him about the concept of expected goals – ignorance is bliss.
Most Fouls Without a Yellow Card
Emiliano Buendía
Step forward 2022-23’s master of the dark arts: Emiliano Buendía.
The diminutive Argentine is more known for his silky technical play in possession, but it turns out he’s quite the nuisance off the ball as well.
Buendía made more fouls this season without being booked than any other player. In fact, the 43 fouls he gave away without picking up a card was 14 more than the next highest player on this list (Brighton’s Kaoru Mitoma – 29 fouls, no booking).
Most Substitute Appearances Without Starting
Lucas Moura & Saman Ghoddos
Despite making 15 appearances for Tottenham this season, Lucas Moura didn’t start a single game, despite working under three different managers.
Together with Brentford’s Saman Ghoddos, that’s the highest number of games played without appearing in the starting XI for a side this season.
Moura played just 145 minutes in total, and it’s somewhat ironic that such little game time has materialised three genuinely memorable moments. Not necessarily for the right reasons.
The Brazilian saw red just three minutes after coming on against Everton – a game in which Spurs went on to draw – while he’d been on the pitch for just four minutes against Liverpool, seen Richarlison equalise in injury-time to make it 3-3, before giving the ball away with an errant back pass for Diogo Jota to win it at the death.
Moura did at least make the most of his one-minute cameo against Leeds United on the final day of the season, marking his last game for Spurs with an incredible solo goal, picking the ball up and slaloming past multiple defenders before scoring.
Most Chances Created Without an Assist
Daniel Podence
Poor Daniel Podence. The Portuguese winger created 36 chances this season for Wolves, but not a single one of them was finished off by his teammates. That’s the highest number of chances created by a player this campaign without registering an assist.
Wolves finished a comfortable 13th in the end but struggled in front of goal all season. Julen Lopetegui’s side scored fewer goals than any other team (31), and that will be a key area to address over the summer.
Podence did at least finish as his side’s joint-top goalscorer with six strikes, which is a) quite worrying if you’re a Wolves fan, and b) presumably quite frustrating for the 27-year-old that his teammates could not repay the favour.
Goals Scored Exclusively From Inside the Box
Aleksandar Mitrovic
Ah, a record that Erling Haaland came close to absolutely crushing. Thirty-five of the Norwegian’s 36 strikes came from inside the penalty box, but his goal against Wolves back on 17 September came from just outside the area, dooming his attempt at this award from the start.
Fulham’s Aleksandar Mitrovic netted all 14 of his strikes from inside the box. That’s pretty good.
But that figure could have been 18 had he not missed four of the eight penalties he took for Fulham in the season. With those four misses, he became the first player to ever miss as many as four penalties in a single EPL campaign. That’s pretty bad.
Roberto Firmino and Gabriel Jesus both scored 11/11 from inside the area, while all 10 of Taiwo Awoniyi’s goals came from inside the box.
Most Minutes Played Without Completing a Pass
Illan Meslier
Illan Meslier played the entire game in Leeds’ remarkable 2-1 away victory over Liverpool back in October without completing a single pass.
It’s the only time in recorded Premier League history that a player has played a full 90 minutes without completing a pass, and looking at his pass map from the game tells us why.
The young French goalkeeper did the business with his hands though, making nine saves in total at Anfield – the most he’s ever made in a single Premier League game. Only David Raya (11 vs. Brighton) made more in a single game this campaign.
The Any Other Season Award
Harry Kane
Spare a thought for Harry Kane. The Spurs forward had another incredible individual campaign, arguably his best ever, netting 30+ goals for the second time in a Premier League season. Only Alan Shearer (three times) has hit the 30-goal milestone more than once.
Kane’s total of 30 goals would have been enough to win the Golden Boot in 21 out of the 31 Premier League seasons.
Only two players have ever hit 30 in a single Premier League campaign and failed to win the Golden Boot: Alan Shearer in 1993-94 and Kane in 2017-18 and 2022-23.
Fewest Minutes Played by a Player to Appear at Least Once
Nathan Redmond
Nathan Redmond, once a staple of Southampton, appeared for just 95 seconds in the Premier League this season, the lowest time of any player to make at least one appearance. It came in Southampton’s first game of the season, with Redmond coming on in injury-time during Saints’ 4-1 defeat to Spurs.
The Englishman made one touch in those 95 seconds, and it clearly wasn’t enough to impress manager Ralph Hasenhüttl, who shipped him off to Besiktas just a month later.
To be fair to Redmond, at least he made a touch during those 95 seconds. West Ham’s Conor Coventry can’t say the same. He played 110 seconds this season but failed to register a touch of the ball during that time (to be fair, it came against Manchester City). Coventry was the only player to make an appearance this campaign without touching the ball.
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